We're nearing that day. As I get closer and closer I seem to be gettung more and more depressed. I don't know what to do at all. I feel like crying all the time. Just use my slow, soothing, depressing music to block and drown out the world. Complete solitary isolation. Does that mean I'm weak? What does showing weakness mean? Do I appear weak to everyone? Is that why people always try to hurt me? What's wrong wuth being a nice, understanding person? Compassionate and caring toward everyone. Kind hearted and willing to help. What's wrong with me being myself? Just me. Why are people that are coldhearted, meand and wicked get everything? Why do they seem to have no worries or even a care in the world? Should I be that way? I don't want to be that type or person. How do I learn to love and accept myself? How can I have so much love for other people, but not myself? Nobody would ever know all that gioes through my mind. Everyone just sees me smiling and laughing all the time. Sometimes I want to just sleep and not w2ake up. I don't want to die though. Does that make sense? Probably not. Does every teenager think like this sometimes? Would anyone understand? I sometimes question my life. Just to see who realloy cares. Isn't it sad that sometimes you simply don't know? Especially with family. I worry myself to death about everything and everyone, but do they worry about Ebone? Does anyone randomly think about me? Will this be the death of me? Worrying? What-ifs? Sensativity? Cold heartedness? Over-Caring? Compassion? I thought these were all good things. I really need to start writing again to get everything out. All the things that I losted being the death of me, I just realized..those things are the definition of stress. I hate that word... that thought. I never recognize the feeling when people tell me that I am because I'm so used to it. I've adapted my lifestyle to stress. Will stress be the death of me?
Yes. I truly believe it will. Might as well say R.I.P now.
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